I've already read all this stuff. Take me straight to the Real Audio clips |
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Between 1990 and 1996 I wrote and produced five radio serials. The first four of these - The Breakfast Machine, The Magic Sunfish, The Adventures of Ramsey the Reindeer, and West together comprise a 23-hour epic called The Southlands Saga. Most of the main characters in TSS are anthropomorphic animals, and I�ll describe them in detail when I get a page up about those series. One major character and two minor ones from TSS carry over into Clutter. Each of the previous serials was performed live to air in Hobart, Tasmania, by myself and Ritchie Marshall. Clutter was a much more ambitious production. It was recorded in a 'proper' studio on 16-track tape, and involved 17 actors, four composers, who wrote over 60 pieces of original music; in total around 50 people were involved in the recording. The writing, designing, recording and re-mixing took two years, at the end of which, through circumstances beyond my control, we simply ran out of time. I couldn�t put the rest of my life on hold any longer, and Clutter had to go on ice until I had the time and resources to finish it off. I am now hopeful that I might be able to finish Clutter at home at the end of this year. Clutter is fully recorded and re-mixed; it�s just that it is in literally hundreds, perhaps thousands of separate pieces of dialogue, music, and sound effects, and putting it all together is a daunting prospect. Nevertheless, I�ve finally managed to get some of the dialogue from the serial on the web for you to listen to, and hopefully to whet your appetites. Clutter, though it is not part of The Southlands Saga, does take up where West leaves off. Before we go any further though, there are some people you should meet. The four heroes of Clutter are: |
Rod the Camel“I�m an anti-hero. Well, that�s what Saif-L�Mure reckons. He says thats how come I can keep hitting people, and still be popular.” Rod�s first appearance on radio was in 1990, when he was dragged out of his home dimension , and into episode 2 of The Magic Sunfish. Rod is a hard-drinking, foul-mouthed, womanising, violent, sarcastic Dromedary who has managed to accidentally destroy several planes of the Multiverse due to his excessive incongruity. He is also probably the most popular character I have ever put to air. This probably says something disturbing about the Tasmanian psyche. One of Rod�s more important contributions to history was accidentally inventing God. |
Cindy Llama“Would you like to come and rub my back, Grant? Mmmm.... that�s nice. But why don�t you try rubbing it with your tummy? One of the other characters describes Cindy as ‘a sort of non-stop avalanche’. Fiery, sexy, assertive, and boisterous, Cindy is the only person in known dimensional space who can overwhelm Rod. Considering the deep-seated mutual antagonism between Camels and Llamas, this is no mean feat. Cindy sings in a metal band called Succubus, who do a song in episode 4. Cindy, for some inexplicable reason, is in love with... |
Grant"Bitch...? I can't use that word!" A wimpy, politically correct human poet. He�s called Grant, because he applies for a lot of them. He writes about the plight of migrant, inner-city blue-collar rodents, and that sort of thing. When he was 10 he wrote a story called 'Buffalo' which was accidentally published years later when it found its way into a pile of short stories being sent to his agent. Critics described it as 'a clever endictment of contemporary male attitudes.' In fact it was about a buffalo named Ted, who liked to go swimming. Cindy rightly sees it as his best work. It�s conceivable that deep inside of Grant, someone buried a leader. |
Howie"Errrr...." Howie is a slightly overweight, balding, 45 year-old human bartender. He is thoroughly ordinary in every imaginable way - except that he is very, very, very stupid. To give you an idea of just how stupid Howie is, someone once talked him into buying 120 litres of liquid nitrogen on the premise that it was ‘coming back into fashion’. Howie is also a cameo character from The Southlands Saga. Raised by the men at a foreign legion outpost, he is Rod's only human friend. Howie idolises Rod, and Rod treats him like shit. Deep down however, Rod probably likes him. He's beaten him up 346 times without killing him. |
Those are the four heroes of Clutter. Now let's quickly introduce you to some of the other 90 or so characters... |
JessJess is a dog; a single mother trying to look after her kids. Her ex-husband Greg has run off to join the rebel vegetarians in the Canine Civil War. FionaAnother Dog, Fiona is the charismatic leader of the rebel vegetarians. Howie describes her as “that tall, blonde Dog in that poster, holding a machine-gun and cuddling a Sheep.“ MandrosMandros is a flamboyant, bisexual, Russian Goat. He is a professional hypnotist. He prefers to be called ‘Mandros the Magnificent.’ ChesterChester is a Currawong (a Tasmanian Raven.) He's in love with Cindy. Unfortunately for Chester, he happens to be a secret agent for the villain of the series, and Cindy has a pathological hatred of Crows.The Evil One(Chester's boss.) Saif-L'MureSaif is an Anteater. In fact, he�s one of the fluorescent, sky-blue Anteaters of Manglecorn. He was one of the main characters in The Southlands Saga. Saif-L�mure appeared in nine episodes before he actually said anything. I suppose the concept of a silent character in a radio serial is a little unusual, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. When Saif finally did start speaking, he turned out to have a Scottish accent. Saif makes intermittent appearances during Clutter. |
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At the beginning of the serial, Rod, having recovered frrom all the heroic questing of The Southlands Saga is preparing to return to his home plane. He's looking forward to a hedonistic five days at the Tubular Village Festival of Gross Indecency. Saif-L'Mure, however, is about to burst his bubble... |
The following sound files are in REAL AUDIO format. If you don't have a Real Audio player, click here to download one, for free. |
Please note that these samples are not the finished product. They are the vocal tracks, without the music and sound effects. You'll have to imagine those. Believe me, when those elements have been added, these scenes will really come to life. |
EPISODE 1 |
| Scene 3 | Saif-L'Mure briefs Rod the Camel on his mission. Ritchie Marshall as Saif-L'Mure 1.49 mins (223 k) |
| Scene 5 | Having crossed through the dimensional portal, Rod arrives on the outskirts of Digestive City. He flags down a taxi driven by Andre the Bull. Andre drives for a company called 'Cheap Drunk' Bill Longo as Andre the Bull 0.29 mins (61k) |
| Scene 6 | Using the loadstone which Saif-L'Mure gave him, Rod locates the first of the three heroes he needs to assemble. It proves to be Cindy Llama. He finds her unconscious on a pile of garbage bags, in an alley behind the 'Rubber Goose' nightclub. Kirsten Hamilton as Cindy Llama 1.42 mins (208k) |
EPISODE 4 |
| Scene 25 | Howie tries to figure out why Rod doesn't like Llamas. Ritchie Marshall as Howie |
EPISODE 5 |
| Scene 34 | Fiona, the leader of the rebel vegetarian Dogs, talks to Howie and Andre about diet. Natasha Purdon as Fiona .55 mins (112 k) |
| Scene 35 | Rod the Camel, Grant and Cindy Llama search the rear of the Museum of Canine History, for the 'Talisman of Veracity' (a truth charm).
Tim Gadd as Rod the Camel, and Grant 2.33 mins (313 k) |
EPISODE 6 |
| Scene 43 | Rod the Camel leads a drunken chorus of "Jump Into this Tub of Grunting Insects" after closing time outside the Innocent Bystander Hotel, and is subsequently arrested. 1.53 mins (231 k) |
EPISODE 8 |
| Scene 57 | Mandros the Goat prepares to conduct the four heroes into trance. .56 mins (114 k) |
EPISODE 9 |
| Scene 69 | Rod explains the pitfalls of heroic questing to Cindy. Tim Gadd as Rod the Camel, and Grant .57 mins (116 k) |
| Scene 73 | Howie, Rod, Cindy and Grant driving over the mountains, and out of Digestive city. Howie looks back to admire the view. Ritchie Marshall as Howie 0.32 mins (65 k) |
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More to come later |
TO COME
Outtakes and bloopers |
