West

Episodes

1. The Walking Fat-Burner
2. Cuddly and Extinct
3. Slumber Mechanics
4. The Barbecue of Freedom
5. Rod Sucks the Glass Hat
6. The Ants Frown Back
7. The Origin of Storms
8. Lantern Sweat
9. Through the Lens
10. The Purple Cliffs of October
11. The Moon-bus
12. Mare Irrelevantus
13. Changing Diagonals
14. Pastoral / Edgar's Appetite
15. Invisible Frenzy on Spastic Island
16. Puberty Amongst the Rubber Numbers
17. Black Antlers
18. Tubes
19. Subter-animus Subway
20. Flat Actors
21. The Ocean
22. The raft

West was the fourth and final series of the Southlands Saga.

In 1991 I was living, sleeping and breathing The Southlands Saga. West was to be the final series, and I wanted to do something truly epic! This was a bit of a hard task, as The Magic Sunfish already ran for six and a half hours. Nevertheless I had gotten it into my head that I wanted to write something longer than Wagner's Ring Cycle. I didn't nescessarily care what it was like, so long as it was immense. I got my wish. West runs for over 10 hours, and the Southlands Saga end to end runs for nearly 23 hours. Nyaah, nyaaah, Wagner! And rather than destroying heaven at the end of it... well, I won't give that away ;)

West is probably too long. Let's be frank, it's a huge, slobbering idiot thing that goes on, and on, and on, and on, and has almost no discernible story. Furthermore, at the best of times it makes almost no sense, and at the worst of times it is plain mad. Nevertheless, someone did write to me saying it was the best radio serial they'd ever heard, and that furthermore they thought I "may have written it in a way that can't be deconstructed." (i.e. it makes no sense.)

West was recorded live to air by two actors, myself and Ritchie Marshall. Ritchie plays well over 50 characters. The methodology was almost non-existant. I would turn up on Saturday night with the script, often unfinished. We would read it through once, he would ask about voice characterisations, and we would rehearse a few pieces. Then we would get very wasted, and perform it. I would produce it live to air, juggling two turntables, CD's, the script, and sometimes playing live guitar. One night I recall we got to the end of the episode, and I hadn't worked out the name to next week's episode, so I made it up on the spot. And West has all the sort of shortcomings you'd expect of something so spontaneous. And all the good things :)

The four main characters of The Southlands Saga are...

Ramsey

Ramsey is a Reindeer, though no-one realises this until the end of series 2 (his antlers had been rendered invisible). He is the leader of the group; chivalric, self-contained and resourceful. Though he is usually very gentlemanly and more concerned with controlling the excesses of his companions and keeping the quest on track, Ramsey is irresistably attractive to women, men, other creatures, and probably to furniture and inanimate objects. Ramsey deals with this as best he can.

Edgar

Edgar is the only human of the group. It is customary for there to be a stupid sidekick in most comedy series. We departed somewhat from this hallowed formula with Edgar. He isn't exactly stupid; he just has an infantile personality and is basically psychotic. Edgar spends most of the time either in a state of extreme anxiety, or in child-like excitement. He comes from the most bizarre family in the history of... anything. His upbringing gives him endless material for the surreal anecdotes which he insists on relating to Ramsey at inconvenient moments. Edgar also loves to tell myths and legends from his homeland, even if no-one really wants to listen. Edgar has been Ramsey's best friend since boyhood. Ramsey considers Edgar a loyal and trusted friend, though he would be the first to admit that Edgar is generally more of a liability than anything else.

Saif-L'Mure

Saif is one of the noble, fluorescent sky-blue Anteaters of Manglecorn. He has a scottish accent, a ready sardonic wit, is morbidly afraid of dirt, and has a pair of special gloves. Saif likes to look at the little pictures on the inside when he gets anxious. Ramsey and Edgar meet Saif-L'Mure in episode 7 of The Breakfast Machine, and for much of the ensuing quests Ramsey pulls Saif along on a little trolley, because he believes the Anteater to be 'too noble to move of his own volition.' Saif doesn;t actually say anything until episode 7 of The Magic Sunfish. He wanted to wait until it was 'dramatically appropriate.'

Rod the Camel

'The true animal of this little band', as someone put it in a review. Rod comes from another dimension. He is rude, uncouth, violent, sarcastic, and is really only interested it getting drunk, bonking, and fighting. His attempts to behave in a manner compatible with the fantasy dimensions through which the heroes travel generally meet with little success.

The plot

... such as it is.

Ramsey, Edgar, Saif and Rod learn that there is a terrible plague lying waste to the multiverse, dimension by dimension. This scourge is called 'Minimalism.' They are told by a 50' tall mythical being called The Walking Fat-burner that their only slim hope of saving their homeland is to go West.

"Go West?", asks Ramsey. "And what are we to do in the West?"

"Nothing", says the Walking Fat-burner.

And so the great, 22 episode journey begins....