Xmas Poem

Jesus Christ was God's son, 
and a pretty decent bloke
And if he were alive now 
he'd  change Pepsi into Coke
and Chihuahuas into Poodles
and women into men
He'd change turnips into cabbages
then change them back again

He'd turn Israel into Norway
and France into Japan
and The Mormon Tabernacle Choir
into Duran Duran 

He'd make Muslims into people
who are fond of getting pissed
And then he'd turn Rush Limbaugh
into a socialist

And then he'd turn Oasis
into a decent band
And Mars into a planet
Where Americans could land

For a finale he'd turn Big Ben
into a pocketwatch
And himself to an Alsatian
then he'd come and sniff your crotch.

1999, Tim Gadd

This poem probably comes from listening to too much John Cooper Clarke